Fort Collins Weekly
July 2006
Take a stroll down West Mountain Avenue next time you’re in Old Town. About half way between Mason and Howes, you will come across a monument to civic largesse that serves as a perfect metaphor for the fiscal mess we’re in. It’s a “Crosswalk Warning Device.” There is no walk signal or traffic light, but if you press the button, a voice ominously warns: “Cross street with caution. Vehicles may not stop.” That’s it, just a voice on a loudspeaker telling you what you probably learned in kindergarten many years ago: Look both ways. Frankly, I’m surprised that the city doesn’t pay to have a troop of Boy Scouts there in order to hold you hand.
We’re asked to try to envision Fort Collins without our “quality of life” municipal expenditures. Well, join me on a field trip to find out if our fair Bedford Falls turns into a virtual Pottersville if we are forced to make cuts to the budget. One caveat: Some of the items listed below come from earmarked funds, either through ballot initiatives or utility budgets and can’t be simply revoked by City Council. All, however, are paid for in some way by the taxpayers of Fort Collins.
The next stop on our tour is Cottonwood Glen Park. There, right next to a child-safe playground, lay two sharp metal wedges which could double as toddler decapitation devices. These are “Watermelon Slices,” by Christopher Ward, part of our Art in Public Places program. Passed by the voters, the Art in Public Places program assesses a one percent surcharge on civic projects to add art to the design. Build a civic building, you’re going to end up with a nice sculpture in the lobby. Lay a new sewer line, and… We have a $6.8 million general fund deficit, yet the Art in Public Places fund is running a surplus because no one could figure out how to spend money on underground art. (I’m not making this up, folks.)
Stop off and visit the Gardens on Spring Creek. They’re lovely this time of year. As part of some sort of share-the-land redistribution policy, you can have your own gardening plot in the Gardens for a mere $35 per year. Tilling, irrigation and even tool usage is included. Multiply that agricultural policy by a few thousand and you’ve got the Ukraine, circa 1933.
Hit your local hardware store. There you’ll find that if you show up with a gas-powered lawn mower and trade it in for an electric-powered or reel mower the city will give you a nice $30 rebate.
Stop by City Hall and pick up some of their nifty informational brochures. Pick up the Neighborhood Services brochure to find out about our Community Liaison Program. Grab copies of the ever-popular wood smoke burning or radon pamphlets. You can even grab a “Hail Safety Tips” brochure. (According to the city, if you’re in a building during a large hail storm, “stay inside until the hail stops.’)
While you’re in City Hall, drop by the City Council chamber. Ladies, City Councilman Diggs Brown is single. (Granted, this doesn’t have anything to do with the city budget, but it’s a test to see who’s still reading at this point and, candidly, mentioning the fact effectively pays off a golf debt.) Let’s move on.
Head back to your own home. The City has plenty of programs for you. You can get an interest-free loan to replace your fireplace, insulate your house, install solar heating, or even replace your washing machine. They’ll even give a rebate of up to $225 to replace your air conditioner or $50 to replace your clothes washer. Worried about a leak in your sprinkler system? The City will send someone to perform a free audit. Looking for someone to haul away that old fridge? The city will pay you $35 for the privilege of picking it up.
The list goes on, but we’re out of column space. So in my next column we’ll continue with part two of our tour of the Fort Collins city budget. We’ll begin next time by taking a drive north. I’ve got a certain piece of ranchland that I’d like to sell you.
July 2006
Take a stroll down West Mountain Avenue next time you’re in Old Town. About half way between Mason and Howes, you will come across a monument to civic largesse that serves as a perfect metaphor for the fiscal mess we’re in. It’s a “Crosswalk Warning Device.” There is no walk signal or traffic light, but if you press the button, a voice ominously warns: “Cross street with caution. Vehicles may not stop.” That’s it, just a voice on a loudspeaker telling you what you probably learned in kindergarten many years ago: Look both ways. Frankly, I’m surprised that the city doesn’t pay to have a troop of Boy Scouts there in order to hold you hand.
We’re asked to try to envision Fort Collins without our “quality of life” municipal expenditures. Well, join me on a field trip to find out if our fair Bedford Falls turns into a virtual Pottersville if we are forced to make cuts to the budget. One caveat: Some of the items listed below come from earmarked funds, either through ballot initiatives or utility budgets and can’t be simply revoked by City Council. All, however, are paid for in some way by the taxpayers of Fort Collins.
The next stop on our tour is Cottonwood Glen Park. There, right next to a child-safe playground, lay two sharp metal wedges which could double as toddler decapitation devices. These are “Watermelon Slices,” by Christopher Ward, part of our Art in Public Places program. Passed by the voters, the Art in Public Places program assesses a one percent surcharge on civic projects to add art to the design. Build a civic building, you’re going to end up with a nice sculpture in the lobby. Lay a new sewer line, and… We have a $6.8 million general fund deficit, yet the Art in Public Places fund is running a surplus because no one could figure out how to spend money on underground art. (I’m not making this up, folks.)
Stop off and visit the Gardens on Spring Creek. They’re lovely this time of year. As part of some sort of share-the-land redistribution policy, you can have your own gardening plot in the Gardens for a mere $35 per year. Tilling, irrigation and even tool usage is included. Multiply that agricultural policy by a few thousand and you’ve got the Ukraine, circa 1933.
Hit your local hardware store. There you’ll find that if you show up with a gas-powered lawn mower and trade it in for an electric-powered or reel mower the city will give you a nice $30 rebate.
Stop by City Hall and pick up some of their nifty informational brochures. Pick up the Neighborhood Services brochure to find out about our Community Liaison Program. Grab copies of the ever-popular wood smoke burning or radon pamphlets. You can even grab a “Hail Safety Tips” brochure. (According to the city, if you’re in a building during a large hail storm, “stay inside until the hail stops.’)
While you’re in City Hall, drop by the City Council chamber. Ladies, City Councilman Diggs Brown is single. (Granted, this doesn’t have anything to do with the city budget, but it’s a test to see who’s still reading at this point and, candidly, mentioning the fact effectively pays off a golf debt.) Let’s move on.
Head back to your own home. The City has plenty of programs for you. You can get an interest-free loan to replace your fireplace, insulate your house, install solar heating, or even replace your washing machine. They’ll even give a rebate of up to $225 to replace your air conditioner or $50 to replace your clothes washer. Worried about a leak in your sprinkler system? The City will send someone to perform a free audit. Looking for someone to haul away that old fridge? The city will pay you $35 for the privilege of picking it up.
The list goes on, but we’re out of column space. So in my next column we’ll continue with part two of our tour of the Fort Collins city budget. We’ll begin next time by taking a drive north. I’ve got a certain piece of ranchland that I’d like to sell you.
